I have been reflecting on acceptance and how it relates to my body. I listened to a wise lady who works with people who are overweight. She shared that people who are overweight never want to accept their body as it is, because they are afraid they will be stuck in that state forever. Like so many other things in life, this works in reverse. People need to accept their body and its weight the way it is before they can make the changes they want. I have to accept myself and my body at point A, so I can then get to point B, who I want to become. I have been pondering what this means to me with my medical issues and pain. I did not want to accept my body with all the pain and problems. I was sure that some surgeon was going to wave his magic doctor wand over me and fix me. I just refused to accept that this was my body.
In my career, I worked with so many people who suffered from their bodies deteriorating. When I struggled, they offered up many little solutions I could implement that would help. Like stretching, icing, relaxing, diet, yoga, pressure points and hot showers. There are actually too many to list. I was unwilling to try their ideas, because they seemed too small to help the severity of my problem. I was just going to fix it, not learn how to live with it. Well, two back surgeries down the road, and at least two more major surgeries to go, I have begun to accept my situation and body the way it is. I’m not saying that doctors or surgeries are not a solution. I am not a medical professional. I am saying that I may always have some level of pain and that is ok.
I have accepted my body in its entirety and that has given me the power to accommodate it and make small adjustments without leaving myself in emotional anguish. When I looked at myself as broken or flawed, I felt burdensome and guilty for how I was being forced to live. When I accept myself and god’s plan for me, I find peace in honoring my body. I don’t feel guilty if my body needs to rest. I am implementing all of those small suggestions and each one brings my pain level down a little bit. A multitude of small reductions of pain over time adds up to a big difference. Due to lack of acceptance, I was unwilling to hear, let alone try different suggestions. By the way, thank you to everyone who has offered up ideas and suggestions!
If I want to live a pain-free life and I want my loved ones to understand. I want to get back to work. I want to be able to do the things I did before this. If want to be less tired and irritable, I am going to have to accept my body the way it is right now. Accept it and be willing to accommodate my situation. Try ideas and suggestions that seem silly. This will not mean I will be stuck like this forever. This is actually the first step of change. If I’m miserable and I desire change, I must accept myself as I am. Then, adjust my sails accordingly.